


Hey There, Handsome

by YeetYootNoot



Category: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Movies)
Genre: Ambiguously Happy Ending, Bad Pick-Up Lines, But like it's lighthearted, Dirty Jokes, Drug Use, Drunken Flirting, F/M, Humor, Love Confessions, Luda Mae and Hoyt are laughing in the background, Pick-Up Lines, Romance, Thomas is embarrassed, lots of horny reader being horny at thomas, mama stop laughing this isn't funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29710545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YeetYootNoot/pseuds/YeetYootNoot
Summary: The reader is yet another victim of the Hewitt family, brought in for some nice, refreshing sweet tea. As you continue to drink, you get super tired, and woozy, and you're about to pass clean out when you spot him. A tall, dark, and handsome stranger who you absolutely CANNOT pass up on. So, you shoot your shot, as best as a person high on rohypnol can.(Mostly just for giggles)
Relationships: Leatherface | Thomas Brown Hewitt/Original Character(s), Leatherface | Thomas Brown Hewitt/Original Female Character(s), Leatherface | Thomas Brown Hewitt/You
Comments: 8
Kudos: 77





	Hey There, Handsome

“How’re you feeling?” Asked Luda Mae, who right now was… looking _very_ odd. You blink slowly, trying to process your thoughts, and the question. Everything was so confusing all of the sudden, and disorienting. 

“I’m feeling a bit…” _Woozy_ would be an accurate descriptor of how you feel, and a bit warm-- was it getting hot in the room, or was it just you? You close your eyes for half a second, trying to gather up some semblance of _thought_ in your brain. 

When you open them, you sluggishly look to your right and see what must’ve been the _biggest,_ _burliest_ man you have ever seen in your entire life. Dark hair, dark eyes, big mask… He looks like his head would touch the ceiling if he just barely lifted it. Wearing a dark shirt, dark pants, an apron… _damn_ this man was fine as hell. Where did he come from? He certainly wasn’t standing there before. Were you hallucinating this big beefy man, or did today just get a _lot_ better?

“Is it just me seeing this… or is there a very tall and very _hot_ man in the corner over there?” You ask the room, and suddenly the voices you were hearing before are a bit more quiet now, but that’s alright. The giant man in the corner is looking right at you now, and _wow._ What a look he had, now _that_ was a man. Throwing caution to the wind, you call out to this attractive stranger, figuring hell, you might as well shoot your shot _now_.

“Hello handsome, what are you… 6’5? 6’6? Because I am…” You pause. What was the rest of the line? You can’t remember, so you just barrel through with the first thought in your head, “ _Single_. _So_ single. Holy hell, you’re gorgeous.” The man didn’t seem much affected by your _fantastic_ pickup lines. Did he not hear you? Maybe he didn’t understand, sometimes men were just so silly, and they didn’t _get_ when they were being hit on. 

You vaguely register two voices near you, talking, but your focus is _squarely_ on this hunk of Grade A, Prime Cut _Beef_. 

“Why is she not asleep?” 

“I think she’s just resisting it a bit, it’ll settle in.”

You decide to shoot your shot _again_ , in case you didn’t make yourself clear before. 

“Mister, I gotta let you know… I got _very_ _highhh_ standards… and you are meetin’ _allll_ of them… Where’s a man like you _been_ my whole life?” You would _not_ be losing this man without a fight, damn it. He _definitely_ heard you that time, you could see that bit of neck he was showing flush as he shifted his posture-- god _damn_. He was _jacked_ , and not in the ugly, deformed way, but like, the _good_ way. Why wasn’t he responding to this? You should be _in his lap_ right now, and he’s all the way over there!

“About how long are we gonna sit here and let her jabber on?” Asked some man, who really should stop talking, because you are having a _conversation_ here.

“Hush up, I’m trying to enjoy the show right now.”

The man tensed up, and shifted so he was crossing his arms and oh _mama_. Those rolled up sleeves, that shirt that was hugging him just _right?_ _Fuck!_ Does he know? Does he know how ripped he is?

“Oh my god… Your muscles are _huge._ ” You tell him, awestruck by those biceps, those _forearms._ You were getting lost in the sauce of this very attractive man, just _ogling_ him. He looked like he could crush some dude like a _grape_ and that was _so fucking hot_. “They’re so _big…_ how is that _possible_ …” 

There’s some woman giggling nearby and maybe it’s actually you, you can’t be sure. The giant, and increasingly sexy man, now looks at you with those furrowed brows, like he’s trying to scare you. Like he wants to be _scary_ and he _is_ and that’s _so good…_ Have you already hit on him? Did you shoot your shot already? You couldn’t remember, but if you _did,_ clearly he didn’t _get it_ because if he _did_ then you’d be riding him like a bullet train to BoneTown, USA. One final shot, you got this. Make it _clear_ . Ask him _straight up_ , he’s _gotta_ give you an answer then.

“Is there a _Mrs_ . _Handsssome?_ ” You ask, and for half a second you’re worried he _could be_ married, but you see his left hand, he doesn’t have a ring on that finger, and it’s _certainly_ some form of felony for him to not be taken already. “Or is that position… _avail-able?_ B’cause I … would like to _apply._ ” You’d marry this man on the spot. Someone get a fucking pastor in here because you need him to make you an _honest woman_ . Laughter is filling the room now, and you just might laugh along, but this man is just looking angrier and _angrier_. How has he not gotten the hint? Was he not _into_ women? 

“Oh, Mister… you’re gonna make me loooose my _miiiind…_ ” You babble, and shove your face in your hands, trying to rub away some of this fog, trying to just make _sense_ of things. Why was Mr. Sexy not responding to your declarations of love? To all these _golden_ pickup lines, these pure as silver _soliloquies_ from your fucking _soul_.

“I think that’s enough out of this one.” Laughs a man's voice, definitely _not_ Mr. Sexy’s voice, and you’re grabbed by the shoulder and pulled to sit up straight. “Tommy, get your ass over here and take her to the basement.” Tommy? _Tommy?_ His name was _Tommy?_ That’s the funniest name you’ve heard, ever. Almost as funny as like, _Bob_. You giggle to yourself thinking about the name ‘Bob.’ The name Tommy is decidedly sexier than Bob, though, and you giggled again thinking about moaning the name ‘Bob’ in the middle of doin’ it. 

‘Tommy’ finally came closer, and _Jesus,_ he was even bigger than you _thought_ he was. He was like a _goddamn wall_ . What was in the basement? Was that where you were going to have _awesome_ sex? Because, if so, you _certainly_ were not going to object, though you’d need a minute to get your thoughts together before you got to some major boning. You make grabby hands at Tommy, narrowly missing grabbing his _ginormous_ tits, and manage to mumble out some encouragement to get him to _hurry up_ and _take you_.

“Yeah, _Tommaay_ … carry me to the _basem’nt_ in those big… _ssstrong arms._ ” He picks you up bridal-style, like you weigh _nothing_ , and you know you’ve made _all_ the right choices in life. You wrap your arms around his giant neck, resting your head on his _massive_ shoulder. You sigh contentedly, and snuggle in as Tommy tenses under you, gripping your thighs _oh so deliciously._

“Now hold on, Thomas. Just lay her down on the couch, for now. I think her and I may have some business to take care of later, on account of her _propositionin’_ my son.” Giggled the feminine voice, and you felt the air go _whooshing_ by as your new boyfriend started moving at a billion miles an hour, and plopped you on what was probably the _coziest_ couch, _ever_. You held onto his neck still, and he grabbed your arms and tugged, not seeming to get that _he’s_ supposed to come _with you_. Clearly this man doesn’t understand what boyfriends and girlfriends do.

“Listen to me,” You say, sternly, and grab his face between your hands, which gets you a surprised and annoyed raise of his big, dark eyebrows. You notice he’s got these lovely eyes, and his browline’s just the way you like on a man, and he’s definitely got a _strong jaw_ under that piece of leather, _augh_. You try to refocus on your mission, this is _important_. 

“You got _big_ hands… I got… _great_ tits…” You started, because, well, hands and tits go together like peanut butter and jelly, and he needed to start thinkin’ about sandwiching those two together, _now_. “Let’s make somethin’ _happen_ here.” 

Tommy finally tugs free from your roaming hands, and stands back up, before he grabs a blanket and tosses it roughly at you. _My_ _nice lovely new boyfriend_ , you think, and you snuggle into the fabric of the couch. You decide to have awesome sex with him _after_ a nice little nap. You wished you got a kiss goodnight from him, but hey, there was time for that later.

“Hmm… thisss is a nice couch…so soft…” You mumbled into the cushion, and promptly passed out.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this partly because I love writing for laughs, and partly to just write about being so damn horny for Tommy.   
> Hope you liked it! I'd love to read some comments, I know the Texas Chainsaw fandom isn't super huge but I'd love to hear what you think!
> 
> Have a nice day :O) honka honka


End file.
